Posted: July 1st, 2010

I feel like an impostor.

All my life, I’ve been skinny-fat. That is to say, I’ve never had weight issues to speak of, but moreover, I’ve never been an athlete. Even back in elementary school when I played rec soccer, I was never particularly sporty, much less good at the game. (At the time, I had a soft spot for playing defense. I was convinced I was good at defense, in fact, because I kept getting put in there. The clarity that “adulthood” brings…) Point being, I dreaded gym and the mile run and in high school I completed my physical education requirement via correspondence. I was a nerd, flabby and skinny. And that was fine with me.

That part about being skinny-fat, earlier? That was a lie. In the last few years, I clung to that illusion as my body went from skinny-fat to fat-fat. This is temporary, I would think. I’m just dealing with a lot of stress right now. Just wait until X happens. When X rolls around, I’ll lose all this weight like THAT! I would snap my fingers, mentally, with a flourish. And then I’d order another brownie sundae online from that café around the corner that does delivery. Because X wasn’t slated to happen for a few more days, as far as I was concerned.

Sometimes, reality brings us things. For me, it came in the form of a cross-country move, a breakup, and chronic unemployment. Granted, none of these things were exactly inflicted upon me—instead, they were all choices I’d made, to some degree or another. I was determined that my move and breakup bring about a fresh start—a New Me, the sort of thing that the Disillusioned envision around December 30th of every year. (Never mind that when January 1 rolls around, we’re all too hungover to begin to contemplate hauling our sorry asses to the gym.) I wish I could say that I turned over a new leaf on that bright morning of Tuesday, February 16th, 2010. Instead, I climbed into bed and stayed there for much of the day—nursing an emotional hangover, if you will.

Point is, I did not become a new person on February 16th. I am still living at home, single, and unemployed. But, I am 20 pounds lighter, and still trending downwards.  Now for that part about me being an impostor. On February 17th, 2010, I climbed aboard my parents’ NordicTrack treadmill, iPhone in hand, Couch to 5K app at the ready. Ten weeks later, I completed the program and could run a 5K in the requisite 30 minutes. Now I’m working on the Bridge to 10K program with the help of this handy app. I’ve battled lactic acid and blisters and I’ve had to start over once due to injury, but I’m still plugging away.

I felt like a faux-runner for a long time. I was just some fat-fat-skinny-fat trying to wheeze her way through 30 minutes of being coached by a disembodied electronic voice. And now (oh Lord, here comes the smarm factor—it’s unavoidable) I’m a plain-old runner.

And to prove my point, I’m going to go get on the treadmill and log another 4-5 miles, completing Week 1, Day 3 of the B210K program.

Follow my running progress on Daily Mile—better yet, join and add me as a friend!

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One Comment on “Fat-fat-skinny-fat.”

  1. 1 Endless » Blog Archive » The dangers of silken tofu. said at 10:26 PM on July 20th, 2010:

    […] any case, it’s a good thing that I’m participating in that activity I mentioned in my last post. A very very good […]

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